Nightlock
by xXxNightlockxXx
Summary: Katniss E. x Haymitch A. Katniss seems broken. After being left behind by everyone she cares, she finds support in one guy that she couldn't imagine him helping her. It's Haymitch.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Hey there!  
This is my first fanfic, please let me know what you think about it!  
Further, my native language isn't English. So if you find any mistakes (Also if there are any mistakes that don't fit in the story) please, let me know!**

Enjoy!

P.s. I do not own any of the characters, they all belong to Suzanne Collins. 

**P.p.s. The start is kinda-weird, but I promise, it'll be fun in the end, so please, keep reading! **

_**Katniss:**_

Silence. I don't remember how I ended up here, sitting in the room that used to be Prim's.  
Sitting on the bed that used to be Prim's. _It's my fault she died. It's my fault. _Prim, my little sister, was blown to bits in an attack arranged by Coin. And I killed that woman. She must be the only one wich I felt no regret to. Still, tears flowed down my face

Behing me, a voice scares me, making me jump from the bed.

"Sweetheart, look at you, you're a complete mess!" It was Haymitch. He was, no, he _is _the only person that understands where I'm going trough. Ever since we came back to district twelve, he was looking after me.

He suggested me to take a shower. When I looked at myself in the mirror, i understood that Haymitch felt worried about me. My hair was sticking out in all directions, my eyes dull and my skin weak.

I don't know for how long i've been in the shower. It could've been just seconds, munutes, maybe hours. I got out again, and put on some simple clothes. When I got downstairs, Haymitch was still there.

"Hey Sweetheart, that's better." I wondered why he was so nice. His usual sarcastic undertone was gone. Then I smelled it. He was drunk, for one of the first times again since he returned.

"Hmm, you dressed up like that for me? " Then I remembered. After the shower, I forgot to bring some clothes. So I picked the first thing within reach, just a simple nightgown, made of silk. I wasn't expecting Haymitch at all! My cheeks flooded hot, and then I recovered.

"You wish, Haymitch." I snapped.

"I sure do, sweetheart." He said. I was barely able to make out what he was saying because of the influence the drinks had on him.

"Just go home."

"Why would I? Don't you like my company?" He was tripping over his words as he stood up, knocking over a vase. How much had he drunk by now? It looked bad. Maybe it's better to get him to his house and rest.

He was only getting closer and closer.

"Haymitch, stop it." He looked at me as if he didn't understand me anymore. He laid his hand on my shoulder.

"Okay, okay, fine. You're no fun." I should feel relieved right now, but all I felt was frustration. The tone that he used.. Was he dissapointed? I led him to the front door. But instead of leaving him and going inside, I followed him. As soon as he stepped off the porch he fell to the ground. I stepped outside, feeling the cold over my arms and legs. Again, I had forgotten about my nightgown. Embarrased, I helped Haymitch up and walked to his house.

I got him inside, now I only had to get him upstairs, in his bed.

The house was a complete mess, broken glass everywhere. All I could smell was the stench of booze, rotten food, vomit and other stuff. It has been a while since there was cleaned here. As soon as I got him in his bed, he started talking nonsense. I stood up and got ready to leave as he said something that I did understand.

"Sweetheart, I love you. I always have" I made no intention on turning around, trowing some words over my shoulder. He must've drunk a lot to be talking this nonsense.

"You're drunk. Go sleep, and say it again tomorrow."

I hope that this is the best way to really make him sleep.

"And before I forget, you really should wear that more often. It looks good on you." I grunted. Why did I help him again? I just left, hoping he would wake up without having a hangover too bad.

_**Haymitch**_

I woke up. First thing i felt was my head. Then, some parts of yesterday flew back into my memories. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._ I kept cursing over myself over and over.

How could i've been that stupid? I drank more than the usual, and it gave me the courage to go up to Katniss and tell her something that stupid. I didn't love her. _Did I? _ I didn't know for sure. From the start, Katniss proved to be a special girl indeed. But did I really love her? I wasn't sure. But is there one thing that I've learned from being drunk, that is that it uncovers the truth. Alcohol makes people honest, yet also stupid.

As soon as i trew up a few times, took a shower and got dressed, i made my way to Katniss' house. I walked in and found her in the kitchen, trying to make something, judging by the smell, it should be pancakes.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry." Who ever thaught, that I'd be apolegizing to her. The mockingjay, the girl on fire, but above all, the sweetheart. Wait what? The sweetheart. Damn.

"It's okay. I just trew your drinks trough the sink." Wait. She did what? My mouth fell open. How could she! Cold rage started to form in my head. I wanted to be angry at Katniss, but it was just impossible. My hands turned into fists, but I couldn't shout at Katniss. As soon as when I turned around and faced her. Her eyes were challenging me.

"Do you remember?" She asked. I nodded. I think I know what she ment.

"Did you mean it?" She asked. I looked at her. In the deep Seam-grey eyes. The same as mine. I thought of all that we had been trough. Then, my thoughts stopped at this one moment. It was about a week after we arrived back in our district.

"_Haymitch, are you drunk, again?" I shook my head._

"_Not drunk enough." I looked at her. It was obvious she had been crying a lot. But why? Because of Prim? _

"_Swe-… Katniss, are you okay?" She didn't answer. All that she did was burst out in tears, lean against me. I fellt teardrops fall on my shirt as Katniss was clinging on to it. I wasn't familliar with situations like this. No-one came for me to find comfort. Never. All i could do was place my hand on her head and rub her hair, trying to comfort her. She kept sobbing. _

"_Its allright. It's allright" I kept repeating it, even unaware of saying it before i blurted it out. It seemed to comfort her. _

The same scene has happened a few times already. Katniss had a time that she was completely broken. She seemed to really find comfort in my words. Then I dropped back in the real world.

_Did I love her? _


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own any of the characters used in this story. They all belong to Suzanne Collins. **

**Please, if you have any ideas for the plot, just bring it! And ofcourse, a good review will always help me go on with this.  
**

**I don't know if the story is going a bit fast, but it's fun to write, and I hope, fun to read. **

_**Katniss **_

I looked at him, expecting an answer. Our eyes met and locked together. Instead of an reply, he walked up to me, untill we were close together. _What on earth is he trying to do? _I didn't look away for a long while. Then the smell of burned pancakes stung in the air. I turned around and put don the fire pitch. The pancakes were useless now.

When I turned around to face Haymitch again, he was even closer. I could feel his warm breath on my cheeks. Somehow, this didn't feel completely uncomfortable.

_Katniss! What are you thinking! He is twice your age, idiot! _The voice inside scolded me.

I didn't know what to do. Without thinking, I closed my eyes and stood up on my toes, and pecked him a kiss on the cheeks. It was the easy way out again. Just like I did all those times. With Peeta, even once with Gale. Now even with Haymitch. Then, I turned around to trow away the useles pancakes.

"Katniss?" His tone was soft, caring almost. Does he love me? _Do you love him? _No.

"What?" I said, it sounded quite indifferent, almost angry.

"Never mind. I'm going to the station to get some new drinks." I nod. Fine to me. I start working on the new pancakes. As soon as when Haymitch got out of the door, i remembered a scene that had occured a while ago.

_I made my way to the meadow, crying once more. Crying over Prim, over Peeta, even Gale. I missed them. Peeta has changed behond repair, Gale? I don't know where he is now. Is he seeing a girl? I don't know. Tears flowed down, past my cheeks, it seemed to heve no end._

_Could I ever be fixed? Or am I broken, to be never fixed, just like Peeta. He stayed in the Capitol after the war, unable to completely recover. I couldn't stop the flow of the tears, I couldn't stop shaking. "It's my fault, it's all my fault." At first I whispered it, but in the end I was shouting the words out._

_Behind me, i heard the grass move in an unnatural way. Someone was aproaching me. Maybe Grasy-Sue. Then I felt an hand on my shoulder, too big to be Sue's. "Katniss, it's not your fault. It's not. Calm down." His voice was steady, so he must be sober.  
"Haymitch?"  
_

"_Hm?"  
"Why did you stay in district twelve?" I said, between my sobs.  
"Because the capitol couldn't find a job for me there"  
"So they found a job for you here?"I wondered out loud. It might just be true that he had to protect me.  
"They asked me to keep an_ _eye on you, yes, but it was my own choice, Sweetheart." He said. It is one of the first time that he talked to me in that way, not that stubborn and sarcastic as he usually is. We were complete opposites, but still we thought about the same things We had experienced the same, the same terrors, the same nightmares. They still come every night._

"_And you don't mind keeping an eye on me?" I asked. I don't want to be seen as a burden. "Not at all. Who else would look after the mockingjay? Anyways, if you don't want my more-than-awesome company, just tell me." I didn't expect that. There is one thing Haymitch can't do. Lie._

That evening, I woke up once more. Screaming, crying. I was horrified. Alone. I missed the warm arms of Peeta around me. No. I missed a pair of warm arms around me. All that happened between me and Peeta was for show. For survival. But I got used to the warm, strong embrace when I was scared. Now, I just felt like a vurnerable 19-year old, all alone. I guess there is no one that really cares for me.  
_Or might there be just that one person?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the last chapter being sooo short! I'll try to make longer ones now, but I can't guarantee anything.  
Test weeks are coming up, so I might not be able to publish things daily. But I'll try to do it, because I completely love doing this.**

Disclaimer: All of the characters used belong to Suzanne collins, I do not own anything. 

_**Haymitch**_

A few weeks passed by. Every night I could hear the screams coming from the house next to mine. Not even a single time I decided to come over. Instead I just got myself a bottle of wine, carefull not to get too drunk. Ever since my stay in district 13 I was sober a lot of times. Then, one night, my phone rang. I wondered who would call.  
"Hello?" My tone was annoyed.  
"Haymitch? I could really use a drink now. Can I come over?" Katniss cried. I nodded. After a few seconds, I noticed that nodding wont have any effect, since I am on the phone instead of talking to her in person.  
"Sure."

There she was. She was wearing a simple shirt with a jeans. _I guess she dressed up for coming here. She isn't the type to sleep in jeans, I guess. _I had a few bottles of white liquor already on the table.  
"Suit yourselve, sweetheart." She nodded and then grabbed one of the bottles. Her face looked exhausted of crying.  
"Katniss, do you ever sleep?" She shook her head, and I saw she was in no mood of talking.

The mood changed rapidly as soon as we finished a bottle each. Katniss, who clearly wasn't used to the effects of that much alcohol, loosened up a little. The same happened here, since I already drank something before she came. But still, a part of me was responsible enough to stop her from drinking more as soon as she started to giggle a bit too much.  
"Katniss, thats enough, okay?" She bursted out laughing. She grabbed the last bottle of white liquor.  
"No. You're not my father, Silly Haymitch!" She laughed. This made me laugh too.  
"But I am the one who owns this drinks." I said, snatching the bottle from her hand. She just sat there, laughing like an idiot. A cute idiot, actualy. Her cheeks were bright pink because of the drinks.

"Haymitch?" She mumbled, smiling.  
"Hm?"  
"Why aren't you and Effie together?" She laughed before she could continue. This question caught me off guard for a second.  
"I could ask you the same with Gale." I said quickly, hoping to not having to give an answer.  
"Simple. He lives in 2 now, and I can't travel. Still, there is no chance at all for us to be together, because he is my best friend, not my love." I felt bad for him now.  
If you love someone, hearing that you are nothing more than a friend is bad, very bad.  
"Now you" She laughed. I thought about it.  
"Listen up, sweetheart. I have no clue where Effie hangs out now, and she is more of one of my real friends." I say, laughing with her, because its true. Effie is more like my mother even than like my lover. We are like the exact opposites, just like me and Katniss.

"Ah… Now I understand!" She kept laughing and laughing. I joined in.  
"Haymitch?" What now? But I didn't react grumpy. Talking her was… Fun.  
"Hm?"  
"What's your favorite colour?" What was that for a question? I laughed.  
"White1" I said it before thinking of it. It was the first colour that came to my mind. It was pretty accurate tough. I laughed and made myself comfortable on the couch, while Katniss sat down on a big sofa, trowing her legs over the support.  
"Yours?"  
"Green."

_**Katniss**_

This reminded me of my conversation with Peeta.  
"Orange… Like the sunset." I blurted it out without thinking about it. Funny. So I laughed.  
"What's with that?" Haymitch asked. I shook my head, not giving an answer. The alcohol made me feel free for once. So this is how Haymitch survives. He had to detox in 13 tough. He barely drank after that.  
A shiver went down my spine. I was cold.  
"I'm cold." I said very seriously, as if it was some important news. After that, i bursted out laughing again. I drank some stuff before, but never this much.  
"And what should I do about that, little miss mockingjay?" Haymitch asked teasingly.  
"I don't know. You think of something!" I really couldn't figure out how to fight some cold. I forgot. Then, i felt something being trown on me. A blanket? Haymitch had grabbed it from upstairs, I guess. Had I noticed him being gone? No.

He tucked me in on the sofa, but the cold seemed to pierce straight trough the thick blanket.

"Still cold" I stated.  
"You're never statisfied, are you?" I shook my head and repeated the fact that I was cold. Then I thought back to my happy time in district twelve. In cold winters, Prim and I tucked into the same bed together.

Prim. She was so lovely, so incredible. She was so gifted to follow in her mother's footsteps, she was so goodhearthed.  
She always thought of the bright side of people. Then Coin killed her.  
"It's my fault" i whispered. I hadn't noticed, but I was crying as hard as ever. No more laughing. I felt cold, and alone. Haymitch tried to calm me down, only causing me to cry harder. I couldn't stop shaking.

I am alone. No, i'm not. _Yes, you are._ It was only then when I noticed that I wasn't on the couch, but that Haymitch was holding me, trying to stop me from crying. It didn't help. I kept wispering the same sentence over and over. _It's my fault. _  
"It's not, damnit, listen to me! It is not your fault Katniss!" I looked up at him, my vision slightly blurry because of the amounts of drinks I had.  
"It is, Its completely my-…" Was all I could say before I was cut off in my sentence. I didn't know completely what exactly happened and how it happened, but he leaned forward, making our lips touch.

I stopped shaking, stopped crying. Then he let go again.  
"Now listen to me goddamnit. Katniss, you couldn't help it okay? " I nodded. I felt myself dosing off in a new pair of warm arms. No nightmares came.

_My head… _I woke up, feeling miserable. I was in my own bed, Nicely tucked in.  
The morning passed, and I was badly hungover. I could barely remember anything.  
As the day continues and my hangover fades, I decide to thank Haymitch for his company.

I walked in, seoing a total mess inside. Haymitch must have kicked over a few things.  
"Haymitch?" I asked. No reply. I looked around the living room, finding him behind the big couch. He slept. I've learned that the only way of waking him was with some water. And so I did. He slashed around with his knife wildly a few times before realizing what he was doing.

I chuckled.  
"Damn Sweetheart, I'm an idiot, don't mention it." What did he mean?

"Hm? I only came here to thank you for the drinks." He looked at me, shocked almost, as if i've done something wrong. He hestitated, then laughed, dropped his head again, making it bonk on the floor over and over again.  
"Haymitch, you okay?" I asked, worried. Never before I saw him like this. It couldn't be a hangover, but then what?

"Fine." He was hiding something. For sure!

_**Haymitch**_

Was it right not to tell it to her? She would become outraged if she found out about it without me telling it. What was I thinking anyways? I'm a pervert, idiot, jerk… But how could I lie to this girl.  
"Swe- Katniss, sorry for last night. It was the only way to shut you up, The alcohol suddenly had such a bad effect on you…" Her eyes widened as she started to understand what I said. That is one of the best things of Katniss. She isn't stupid. She's smart as hell.

"_You did what?" _Her tone was furious, outraged.

"I'm sorry, damnit!" She walked up to me and slapped me. My cheek burned.

She didn't say anything, she only stalked away trough the front door, going the opposite way of where her house hould be. I followed her. She made her way to the meadow and slipped under the fence that bordered district twelve.

_**Katniss**_

How could he. He was my mentor, my friend, and now he abused me while being drunk like this. _I hate him. I always did. _How could a part of me even think about him having a good side, him having a heart?

I knew he was following me, but I didn't care about it. I made my way behond places where i've been. I passed the meetingplace of me and Gale, the lake and several places where we used to set traps. Then I saw it. The small, golden body of a tracker-jacker. As far as I knew, there were no nests nearby, so this must be a lost one.

I changed directions. Those bugs have a nasty effect on you, and they are the cause that Peeta will never be the old again. I felt something on my arm, and before I could see what it was, a nasty sting. _The tracker-jacker. _I cursed in myself, turned around and started making my way back to district twelve.

Haymitch kept following me, and I became sick of it. I whirled around, ready to shout to him to leave, but instead, it was Gale following me. The sight of him amazed me.

"Gale?" I said, not sure to laugh or to burst in tears.  
"Katniss?" He asked, his face confused. Why didn't he call me by my nickname? Indstead of thinking, I closed the space between us, wanting nothing more but comfort by my friend.  
"I missed you, Gale…" Gale didn't reply. All that he did was step back, making me loose him from my vision for only a blink of an eye.

It wasn't Gale after all. It was Peeta. He didn't smile, tough.  
"P-peeta?" Seeing him made me more desperate than ever.  
"You came back?" Then I looked around me. I wasn't in the forest, how could I think that. This is the arena. I am still in this game.  
"Peeta, how many of us are left?" I asked. He didn't answer. He didn't look to good. Then I felt my own hunger. We didn't have food, and I didn't have a bow…  
_Haymitch! _He could get us sponsors!

Then I remembered. If I wanted sponsers, I have to give the audience a good show. Me and Peeta, the star-crossed lovers. I never really loved him, but I couldn't let him die. I just couldn't. I stepped up to him, took his head in my hands and kissed him. When I stepped back, no silver parachutes came. _Why aren't they coming? _

Then, I blacked out.

1 Might not be true, but is never told.


End file.
